303 W. Main Street, West Dundee, IL 60118
 | 847-428-7725
Call for an Initial Consultation
Evening and Weekend Hours by Appointment
100 Illinois Street, Suite 200, St. Charles, IL 60174
 | 630-200-4882
By Appointment Only
Evening and Weekend Hours by Appointment
West Dundee, IL847-428-7725
St. Charles, IL630-200-4882
Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
Serving Kane, McHenry, DuPage and Cook Counties

4 Tips for Managing Conflict During Your Illinois Divorce

Posted on in Divorce

St. Charles high-conflict divorce attorney

The time period surrounding a divorce is often marked by heightened emotions for both spouses as they contemplate what went wrong in the marriage and the many ways in which their lives are about to change. It is only natural that these emotions would lead to conflict over the divorce proceedings and the terms of the settlement, but it is important not to let this contention get in the way of making the best decisions for your future. The more destructive conflict there is between you and your spouse, the more difficult it is to reach a settlement that is mutually agreeable to both parties. Excessive conflict may also mean that your divorce case will have to go to trial, which can be costly, time-consuming, and emotionally draining.

Resolving Conflict Productively

  1. Understand your conflict style. Everyone approaches conflict differently and reflecting on your personal approach before you enter divorce negotiations can help you adapt your style to achieve your goals. For example, if you tend to accommodate the other person’s needs, you may need to make an effort to be more assertive. If you tend to approach conflict competitively, you may need to make a greater effort to listen to the other side.

  2. Keep your emotions under control. Always try to enter conversations with your spouse with a level head. Shouting matches and name-calling almost never lead to a good resolution. Instead, try communicating your position with factual statements and “I” language that expresses your concerns rather than accuses your spouse of wrongdoing.

  3. Listen to the other side. Do not go into your divorce negotiations with the mindset that only your needs are important. If your sole focus is airing your grievances and getting what you want, it is unlikely that your spouse will want to work with you. On the other hand, if you listen to his or her perspective, he or she may be more willing to collaborate and come to a solution that works for both of you.

  4. Use a mediator. It is not always possible for you and your spouse to resolve conflict on your own, and in fact, trying to do so in a divorce often leads to an outcome in which one or both spouses are unsatisfied later on. Important issues such as parenting time and the division of assets will need to be addressed. A professional, neutral mediator can help keep conversations moving productively while still allowing you and your spouse to control the agreement.

Contact an Elgin Divorce Lawyer

When you and your spouse can manage conflict productively, you can reduce stress for both parties and reach mutual decisions that reflect the best interests of you and your family. At the Law Offices of Benedict Schwarz, II PC, our attorneys are certified divorce mediators who can guide you through constructive negotiations and help you achieve your desired outcome. Call us today at 847-428-7725 to schedule an initial consultation with a dedicated Kane County divorce attorney who can help you determine the best option for the situation between you and your spouse.






  • Illinois Best Law Firms
  • Super lawyers
  • Attorney Registration and Disciplinary Comission
  • Lawyers Association Program
  • Illinois State Bar Association
  • Kane County Bar Association
  • DuPage Bar Association
  • Martin Dale
  • aacfl
Back to Top